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Why hasn't she answered me? - Warren Beatty as John Reed

I think she HAS answered you. -- Maureen Stapleton as Emma Goldman (Reds, 1981)

Instead of any epic historical scene, the moment in Reds that has forever lodged itself in my brain is the above small, intimate exchange between Emma Goldman and John Reed near the end, when John is suffering and doesn't know why his wife hasn't written him back. The harsh lesson is, sometimes silence is the answer. 

I was reminded of the concept in a TV writers' room a few years ago when I was complaining to one of my colleagues about being besieged by people wanting to meet me for advice about TV writing.  

"Oh," he said. "When I get emails like that, I just never write back."
I was shocked. "What?" 
"That way, they never know if I read it, or even got it." 

Wow, I thought. That's harsh. 
But I am starting to see the wisdom of his approach. 

The latest one came this week via a LinkedIn email. With not so much as a how-d'ya-do, a complete stranger reached out with the subject line "Matt Santos meets Top Gun" (Santos is a West Wing character invented in the seasons after I left the show, but I doubt he clocked that).  

I have removed identifying details, but you'll get the gist. 

Good evening Mr. Handelman,
I am the Chairman of the Board of [redacted].
In addition, I have completed a novel that will be released next year - [title redacted].[Plot redacted]
It is a Tom Clancy-like techno-thriller. I think it is a great read -- but would appreciate your thoughts. 
If interested I would be happy to send you a copy of the manuscript -- as a pdf. It renders nicely on an iPad.
Thank you for your time -- I have enjoyed your work for a long time. 
Rds, 

Now, to my mind, if you're going to reach out to a complete stranger, you don't save the obligatory compliment of their work till the last line. And you don't shorten "Regards" to "Rds" because you're in a hurry. Does he want me to consider it as a screenplay to pitch? Or is he just looking for a free editorial consultation? But most of all, WHY ME? 

I composed several replies to him off the top of my head, the first being, 

Dear Sir: I have no experience in marketing but I happen to have completed a 400 page marketing proposal for a software company. It reads super easy on your phone. LMK if I can send it.

But then I realized -- I don't have to write back at all! 

Admittedly, his is an extreme version, but I get approached in similarly out-of-nowhere ways all the time.  It's the blessing and curse of having written for well-known publications and TV shows.

Don't get me wrong. I am not averse to helping others. In fact, I've tried to be a mentor to coworkers many times in my various jobs and careers. For example, at Vogue, I encouraged many underutilized editorial assistants - at least one of whom had a Masters in English - who were relegated to answering phones, fetching coffees and checking fashion product placements -- to pitch reviews and start writing. Several did and moved up the ranks; at least one went on to become one of New York's most long-tenured editors in chief. When a temporary ABC news job ended, I helped get my assistant her next gig. 

For a long time, I tried to be responsive to people who wanted to find out more about TV writing. Probably because I felt so guilty at my good fortune.  I got
in at a late date after almost two decades of journalism -- by writing a spec with an actor-comedian friend who was more famous than me, and being hired to co-write a freelance script with him by someone who I went to high school with who was running two TV shows. 

But over time I came to realize the very flukiness of my entrée is unreplicable. And I cannot provide those same "ins" to a stranger. And furthermore, part of my attractiveness as a hire was my life experience that had nothing to do with TV writing -- so many people trying to write for TV haven't lived yet, and you can tell the difference reading their writing samples. 

And TV writing is uniquely difficult. It's not just that the jobs are much fewer. It's also that the industry has changed drastically. Through the 90s, if you set your sights on it - and were talented - you could follow some sort of career ladder. You'd start as a writers’ assistant, freelance a script, and move up the ranks. These days, writers rooms are much smaller (fewer episodes per season), crowded with people who gravitated to TV when movie writing dwindled, and mostly "top-heavy" -- IE peopled with very experienced writers for efficiency's sake. I know script coordinators and writers' assistants who have had those entry level gigs for nearly a decade.

Also, I myself have bounced around quite a bit. In a couple of weeks I will be at my current gig for a full year -- the first time that's happened since I left Vogue 21 years ago.  

Over time, I realize, I have scaled back my response to hopefuls who reach out. From inviting hopefuls to my workplace, to just meeting them for coffee, to just writing them back an email, to, finally, in some cases, not writing back at all.  

Occasionally if someone really seems on the ball I will accede, but often I am amazed to find a lack of effort on their part, as I did recently with one college graduate who hadn't even tried to read a TV script to see what one looked like -- or think herself particularly funny -- she just was just a fan of comedy shows. 

One TV writer I know gave a young writer several rounds of notes on his first effort, then she was annoyed to learn he'd used the heavily edited version and been hired.  But he's become a successful writer in the ensuing years, so maybe the fact that he learned how to take notes was a good sign. 

Another veteran TV writer friend - who has decades more experience than me and has thus been fielding this kind of request for decades - recently decided he should just write a book of advice for new TV writers so that when he gets asked he an hand (or sell) them the book. But he keeps getting hired to actually write TV. Which should be the priority. 

There's a flip side to this: I myself have been on the receiving end of radio silence, from long-ago friends who say they want to get together but then disappear when I call them on it, or former co-workers who say "if you ever need anything" and then don't respond.

While I grouse about it, I have learned to understand it's not necessarily malicious or "about me." Sure, sometimes an email actually gets lost on a BlackBerry or in a spam folder, but oftentimes people just don't know how to handle delivering bad news, so they just go silent. People have their own shit going on, don't like admitting they have no power, can't deal with confrontation, and don't want to be the person who says "No." So instead they say nothing. 

Facebook has made us all seem accessible; I get friend requests all the time from complete strangers, some of whom "liked" a single comment I made on someone's page. That's okay for Twitter, but my standard for friendship is a little higher than that. (I do allow "Followers".)

I'm going to send a link to this blogpost to my writer friend who advised me never to reply, to show him I now agree.

I hope he writes back.

UPDATE: He wrote me back! 

I am honored.  I thought what you wrote was dead on but not nearly harsh enough.  If it were me I would advise anyone wanting to be a tv writer to reassess their aspirations.  They're not going to make it so just give up now.  If they have written something, it most likely sucks.  I recommend dental school.  

[Here's a link to the scene in Reds cued up:
 "I think she has answered you.']

The whole movie: (not a HQ version)